This week's reframe is about determining if those mirrors are dirty or clean.

Episode Transcript

The Processing Feedback Source card states, "Feedback can be a mirror, and mirrors can be distorted. Clarity depends on the giver's expertise and on how critically you evaluate what you've received." And the card invites you to run the credibility check, which you can do by asking three questions: Does the person have relevant expertise, my best interests in mind, direct experience with me?

Let's slow down on this one, starting with a single word. So notice the nuance in the card's first sentence. "Feedback can be a mirror," not, "Feedback is a mirror." That difference might seem small, but it's doing a lot of work. We live in an age of certainty-flavored content, hot takes, absolute statements, catchy phrases written to be shared rather than to be true. "Feedback is a gift." "Feedback is a mirror." These sayings are catchy precisely because they've sanded off the nuance. But in my experience, the actual truth, the insight your growth genuinely depends on, usually lives in that nuance, in the small details those catchy phrases leave behind.

So yes, feedback can be a mirror, and like all mirrors, sometimes they're clean and clear, sometimes they're dirty and grimy. Sometimes they reflect real truths or parts of truths, genuine areas for you to expand your perspective on your performance. And sometimes the distortion in the glass says more about the giver than about you. The work then, often the hardest work, is proactively cleaning that mirror before you trust what you see in it.

That matters now maybe more than ever, because in an age where everyone seems to have a formed opinion on just about everything, including areas far outside their expertise, you may receive feedback from just about anywhere and everywhere: a colleague, a comment section, a relative at dinner. The volume can be a problem if you don't have a strong ability to sift through it all. That's what the credibility check is for.

And here's the mechanism behind each question. Relevant expertise, because feedback on your presentation style from someone who presents masterfully carries different weight than the same words from someone who's never held a room. Your best interest in mind, because feedback shaped by someone else's agenda, even subtly, reflects their needs more than your growth. And direct experience with you, because secondhand impressions and brief glimpses produce blurrier reflections, a dirtier window, than sustained observation ever will.

Now, a person doesn't need to pass all three perfectly for their feedback to hold value. But knowing which questions they pass and which they don't can help you sift and point the way toward how much weight the reflection deserves.

That's card 03 of the Processing Feedback suit. The next time feedback lands and something feels off about it, or honestly, even when it feels right, run the three questions. You may find the mirror is clean and the reflection deserves your full attention, or you may find some grime on the glass, and now you know to adjust for it.

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